Cocaine nuns to live fish shoved up skirt – kooky criminals who went too far

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Customs filmed the process of peeling back the men


A pair of barmy bootleggers have been caught after trying to smuggle cash and gold inside fake barnets, as we revealed yesterday.

The potty duo were arrested with £280,000 of currency and gold underneath their wigs at Chennai International Airport when custom officials rumbled them.

But it’s not the only case of bungling by woeful wrongdoers.

Here Daily Star reveals some more hair-brained schemes from the world’s kookiest criminals…

Sounds fishy: A woman was arrested after flying from Singapore to Melbourne in 2005 with 51 live tropical fish hidden up her skirt. Customs officers heard “flipping” noises coming from her waist.

Customs filmed the process of peeling back the men’s wigs

Half-baked: In 2019 a Malaysian man was caught trying to smuggle 32 packets of cigarettes into Singapore sandwiched between slices in four different loaves.

Nappy ending: A Texan woman tried to smuggle chorizo sausages into the US in 2008 by hiding them in nappies, but security officials got to the bottom of her plot when they queried why they were so chunky. She said they were soiled.

Chest ridiculous: A Colombian woman, 24, was arrested at Frankfurt airport after she was found to have a kilo of cocaine in her breasts. Officials became suspicious after a search and found fresh scars under her boobs.

Bare-faced cheek: A Brazilian man also tried to smuggle a kilo of cocaine in 2018, but this time in a pair of fake ­buttocks. He was arrested at the airport in Lisbon, Portugal.

Police in Portugal found cocaine stuffed in fake buttocks
Police in Portugal found cocaine stuffed in fake buttocks

Monkey business: American Gypsy Lawson, 29, successfully smuggled a drugged rhesus monkey from Thailand to the US under her clothes, pretending to be pregnant. But she was collared when she boasted about her crime to an assistant in a clothes shop.

Nuns on the run: Three women disguised as nuns were arrested at a Colombian airport in 2013 for trying to conceal six kilos of cocaine under their fake habits.

Heroic failure: When Daniel James Bradley, 22, was ­arrested after a botched street robbery in California in 2012 due to the Spider-Man outfit he’d been wearing at the time, he told police his costume was part of a “disguise”.

John Balmer, 50, was apprehended while wearing this a t-shirt reading "Who needs drugs"
John Balmer, 50, was apprehended while wearing this a t-shirt reading “Who needs drugs”

Marked men: Two would-be burglars in Carroll, Iowa, were snared after they broke into an apartment in 2009 and were found to have cunningly concealed their faces by scrawling over them with permanent marker pens.

Doing time: Carer Linda Cramphorn, 47, wore a curly wig, glasses, green hat and jacket to disguise herself as an 81-year-old in a bid to steal thousands from her account, but was jailed after bank staff in Coalville, Leics, became suspicious.

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Bang to writes: Florida man John Balmer, arrested while acting suspiciously in a store in 2015, was wearing a T-shirt that read “I have drugs.” He was found in possession of narcotics.

Turtle madness: In 2016 a Chinese man called Li was caught attempting to ­smuggle his pet turtle on to a flight to Beijing, by disguising it as a KFC burger between two buns. But security staff noticed “odd protrusions”.





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